72 virgins

I met my terrorist friend Ahmed who died in a suicide bomb blast a couple of months ago in Delhi at the park yesterday. He was reborn as a dog. I was surprised to meet him. He seemed really pissed.

Apparently, he was promised paradise after death where he will be given 72 virgins if he did what is right for Jihad and blow up innocent people in some coffee shop in Delhi. That's what his trainer Amir told him in the Pakistani mountains during training. And all his classmates were looking forward to it ever since. So when they asked for volunteers for the coffee shop blast, he was more than happy to oblige. And in turn, he reached heaven, where he met God, and his promised 72 virgins.

He went into the immigration department for Muslims in heaven. It was a huge monument, resembling the Juma Masjid. There he saw 72 fat, ugly looking women waiting for him. He was shocked as this was not what was promised. So he went to God for an explanation.

'God, I sacrificed my life for Jihad. Why are my virgins fat and ugly looking?'

'Ahmed, where do you think the virgins come to heaven from? They come here from earth after they die. And since they were fat and ugly looking, they remained virgins all their life.'

Ahmed got really angry at this, and asked God if he can go back to earth to his wife and kid, which God declined, saying that rebirth was not an option among Muslims. He should join Hinduism for that. So Ahmed went to the Hindu office right across the street and talked to almost 4,897,232 gods there to accept him and send him back to earth which, after a lot of discussion they agreed to. And since they didn't want him to join forces with Muslims again on earth, they sent him as a dog, so that Muslims keep him away from them.

So my message to all the terrorists out there blowing up people all around the world along with themselves in the name of Jihad, which even Muslims denounce, all for the prize of 72 virgins, is that it's not worth it. Spend time with your wife and kids while you are on earth. Live for them instead of dying for 72 fat and ugly looking women.