The God I almost met

"Sometimes in life you call out to a god out there you have never met or doesn't believe that exists, out of desperation rather than faith. This was one of those days."

It was our third year college tour to Karnataka. We visited Mysore and Bangalore, and the fourth days plan was to visit Shravanabelagola. It's a rock hill on top of which is a Jain temple, with a giant statue of Gomateswara. To get to the temple, we have to climb around 650 steps cut in the rock.

I was in charge of handling finance for the trip. I had one of those college bags that hung around the shoulder in which I kept the money, the accounts, and some of my personal stuff. It had around Rs. 50,000 when we started the climb. That was the remaining amount to be paid to the bus we hired, and the water theme park we were supposed to go the next day. As soon as we started the climb, me and Jisha started counting the steps. After a while, I gave up, and walked in front. About three quarters of the way up, there is a small temple of some lesser god. We took almost thirty five minutes to reach it. I walked into the complex tired and weary and sweating. The first thing I did was remove the bag off my shoulders and put it under a pillar inside. That was when Sherin and Shabna joined me, and we sat there to rest for a while. Somebody called for a group photo, and being the show-off I was, I jumped off the temple and ran into the frame. What I realized 2 hours later was that I didn't pick up the bag when I went to get my picture taken. We climbed again to the reach the main temple, and then came back all the way down the hill and went shopping.

I liked something in a shop which I thought I'd buy and reached out to my back pocket to take my wallet out when it struck me that the bag that should have been hanging on that side was missing. I cannot explain the feeling that ran through me at the exact moment. I was petrified, already thinking about the consequences. But in an instance, I recollected where I had kept it on top of the hill, and how I jumped off to get my picture clicked, and how I crossed that temple on my way back, and didn't realize that the bag with all our money was missing all this while. I ran out of the store, and told Rajeev about it. I told him I'm going up to find it and started running up the steps. Being the cool head he is, he replied saying he'd send Justin up behind me. Justin was the Arnold Schwarzenegger of my class, and he was the only one capable of climbing that hill twice in a day. Other than me of course. He had the muscles and the energy to do it. My ass was on fire.

I wasn't counting the steps this time. I couldn't think of them. The hot blaring sun right above my head, and my tight jeans were not helping me either. I was running with all my energy, climbing the 650 odd steps that led to the temple on top at an athletes pace. I think I clinched a national record to climb 600 steps when I reached the small temple complex in under 10 minutes. My head was spinning and my heart pounding when I ran into it. I looked under the pillar where I kept the bag, but it wasn't there. I didn't know what to do next. I thought I should run up all the way to the top of the hill, and stay there with Gomateswara all my life. I didn't know what I'll tell my friends if I went down without the money. Exhausted and deprived of my senses, I sat down in the middle of the temple. Justin reached the place by that time. I told him I couldn't find it where I'd kept it. He said he'll go all the way to the top and check out in the main temple as well, and continued his run. I was in deep shit, and I knew it. Sometimes in life you call out to a god out there you have never met or doesn't believe that exists, out of desperation rather than faith. This was one of those days.

That's when I heard somebody call me from inside the temple. I turned around and saw a person. He was sitting behind a table writing something. It was God. I was sure. He had a divine feel to the way he sat on the floor, the way he wrote on the paper and the way he called out to me. He asked me what I wanted. I told him the whole story. Then he asked me to describe the bag and its contents. When I told him everything, stuttering as I did, he took out a bag from a box, and showed it to me. It was my money bag. I was so happy to see it. He asked me to examine the contents, which I did, and confirmed that nothing was missing. The money, my walkman, some clothes and my cap. I was so relieved at that point. I thanked him with all my heart and told him that he saved my life, as I didn't know what to do if I couldn't find the bag. This was one of those moments for me when all the principles I had against the existence of God, all the debates I've had with my friends, all the books and articles I have read and all the fights I had with my mom for not going to the temple suddenly became obsolete and meaningless. It was very difficult to change a belief that has been instilled in my brain for years and accept a simple fact that negates the credibility of everything I accepted as true until then. My mind was still in conflict between God on one side, and my beliefs on the other as I got up to leave, when he asked me, "So you got your bag. Aren't you making any donation to the temple?". And that's when the divinity of that moment came to an end. I suddenly came back to my senses and realized that he was no God but a human after all. Even though I was taken aback from the things happening suddenly around me and inside my head, I was extremely happy that I got my bag back, and I picked a hundred rupee note from my pocket and gave it to him. He asked for more, which I humbly declined, and ran away from there.

On my climb down hill, I thought of how I almost screwed up the tour for my entire class with my carelessness and lack of responsibility. When I reached the bottom, I saw Rajeev and Kavitha, who were the only others apart from me and Justin who knew about this 'averted-tragedy' standing outside a restaurant. Everybody else were inside, having a wonderful lunch, with no idea that I almost lost the money to pay for that lunch, and their way back home. I told them about what happened on top of the hill, except the part where I almost saw and started believing in God.

72 virgins

I met my terrorist friend Ahmed who died in a suicide bomb blast a couple of months ago in Delhi at the park yesterday. He was reborn as a dog. I was surprised to meet him. He seemed really pissed.

Apparently, he was promised paradise after death where he will be given 72 virgins if he did what is right for Jihad and blow up innocent people in some coffee shop in Delhi. That's what his trainer Amir told him in the Pakistani mountains during training. And all his classmates were looking forward to it ever since. So when they asked for volunteers for the coffee shop blast, he was more than happy to oblige. And in turn, he reached heaven, where he met God, and his promised 72 virgins.

He went into the immigration department for Muslims in heaven. It was a huge monument, resembling the Juma Masjid. There he saw 72 fat, ugly looking women waiting for him. He was shocked as this was not what was promised. So he went to God for an explanation.

'God, I sacrificed my life for Jihad. Why are my virgins fat and ugly looking?'

'Ahmed, where do you think the virgins come to heaven from? They come here from earth after they die. And since they were fat and ugly looking, they remained virgins all their life.'

Ahmed got really angry at this, and asked God if he can go back to earth to his wife and kid, which God declined, saying that rebirth was not an option among Muslims. He should join Hinduism for that. So Ahmed went to the Hindu office right across the street and talked to almost 4,897,232 gods there to accept him and send him back to earth which, after a lot of discussion they agreed to. And since they didn't want him to join forces with Muslims again on earth, they sent him as a dog, so that Muslims keep him away from them.

So my message to all the terrorists out there blowing up people all around the world along with themselves in the name of Jihad, which even Muslims denounce, all for the prize of 72 virgins, is that it's not worth it. Spend time with your wife and kids while you are on earth. Live for them instead of dying for 72 fat and ugly looking women.

മല്ലി ഇട്ട മീന്‍ കറി

പെണ്ണ് കാണല്‍ എന്നൊരു ചടങ്ങ് ഇന്നത്തെ കാലത്ത് വലിയ ആടംബാരത്തോട് കൂടി നടത്തുന്ന ഒരു ചടങ്ങല്ല. പെണ്ണും ചെറുക്കനും എവിടെയെങ്കിലും വച്ച് കണ്ടു മുട്ടും. അതിനു ശേഷം മൊബൈല്‍ ഫോണും ഇ-മെയിലും ചാറ്റും ഒക്കെ ഉള്‍പെടുന്ന കുറെ പ്രണയ സമ്പന്നമായ ദിവസങ്ങളും മാസങ്ങളും കഴിഞ്ഞു തമ്മില്‍ കല്യാണം കഴിച്ചു ജീവിക്കാന്‍ തീരുമാനം എടുത്ത ശേഷം വീട്ടുകാരെ-കാണിക്കല്‍ എന്ന ചടങ്ങായി അത് മാറി കഴിഞ്ഞു. അങ്ങനെ ആകുമ്പോള്‍ മകള്‍ കൊണ്ട് വന്നിരിക്കുന്ന സാധനത്തിന്റെ മാറ്റ് അച്ഛനും, അമ്മയ്കും, അമ്മായിക്കും, അമ്മാവനും, അപ്പൂപ്പനും, അമ്മൂമ്മയ്കും, അനിയനും, അനിയത്തിയ്കും, ആലിസ് പൂച്ചയ്കും, കൈസര്‍ പട്ടിയ്കും ഒക്കെ ബോധ്യമാവനം. അത് ഇന്നത്തെ കാലത്തെ ചെരുപ്പകാര്‍ക്ക് ഒരു വലിയ പ്രശ്നമായി മാറിയിരിക്കുകയാണ്.

അങ്ങനെയുള്ള ഒരു ചെറുപ്പക്കാരനും ചെറുപ്പക്കാരിയും മരം ചുറ്റി ഓടിയും കണ്ണ് പൊത്തി കളിച്ചും പ്രണയിച്ചു കല്യാണം കഴിക്കാന്‍ തീരുമാനിച്ചു. പെണ്ണിന്റെ വീട്ടുകാരെ കാണാന്‍ എത്തിയ ചെറുക്കന് വലിയ സ്വീകരണമാണ് പെണ്ണിന്റെ വീട്ടുകാര്‍ ഒരുക്കിയത്. ചെറുക്കന്റെ കയ്യിലിരുപ്പു പെണ്ണിനും പെണ്ണിന്റെ കയ്യിലിരുപ്പു ചെറുക്കനും അറിയാമായിരുന്നതുകൊണ്ട് തമ്മില്‍ ആദ്യമേ ഒരു ധാരനയായിട്ടാണ് ഇങ്ങനെ ഒരു പ്രഹസനത്തിനു അവര്‍ തയ്യാറായത്. എന്നാല്‍ പെണ്ണിന്റെ വീട്ടുകാര്‍ക്ക് ഇതൊരു അഭിമാനത്തിന്റെ കാര്യമായിരുന്നു. ചെറുക്കന്‍ പിന്നെ കുറ്റം പറയാന്‍ ഇടയാക്കരുതല്ലോ. അത് കൊണ്ട് ടിന്നെറിനു ക്ഷണിച്ച ഭാവി മരുമകനെ ആദ്യം കേരളത്തില്‍ എങ്ങുമുള്ള ആചാരമനുസരിച്ച് ടൌണിലെ ബാറില്‍ കൊണ്ട് പോയി ബിയര്‍ വാങ്ങിച്ചു കൊടുക്കാന്‍ അമ്മായി അപ്പന്‍ പുറപ്പെട്ടു. വേണ്ട എന്ന് ആദ്യം പറഞ്ഞെങ്കിലും അമ്മായിയപ്പന്റെ നിര്‍ബന്ധത്തിനു വഴങ്ങി അവന്‍ സമ്മതിച്ചു. ബാറില്‍ സംഭവിച്ചതെന്താണെന്ന് ആര്‍ക്കും അറിയില്ലെങ്കിലും തിരിച്ചു വന്നുകേറിയ പെണ്ണിന്റെ അച്ഛന്റെ മുഖത്ത് ഒരു വലിയ തെളിച്ചമുണ്ടായിരുന്നു. അമ്മായിഅപ്പന് മരുമകനെ വല്ലാണ്ട് ബോധിച്ചു. ഒരു പകുതിയെ കയ്യിലെടുത്ത സന്തോഷത്തോടു കൂടി നമ്മുടെ ചെറുക്കന്‍ വീട്ടിലെത്തിയിട്ടു ബാക്കി പകുതിയേ എങ്ങനെ വലയിലാക്കം എന്ന ചിന്തയില്‍ മുഴുകി. അപ്പോഴേക്കും അത്താഴത്തിനു സമയമായി. അച്ഛനും, അമ്മയും അമ്മായിയുമൊക്കെ ഇരുന്നു ആലോചിച്ചു തീരുമാനിച്ചതാണ് ചോറിന്റെ കൂടെ മീന്‍ കറിയുണ്ടാക്കാമെന്ന്. വടക്കന്‍ രീതിയില്‍ വറ്റിച്ചു വച്ച മീന്‍ കറി വിളമ്പിയിട്ട് കേരളത്തിന്റെ സാധാരണ ഏതു വീട്ടിലെ അമ്മയും ചോദിക്കുന്ന ആ ചോദ്യം പെണ്ണിന്റെ അമ്മ ചെരുക്കനോട് ചോദിച്ചു.

"മീന്‍ കറി എങ്ങനെ ഉണ്ട്?"

"നന്നായിട്ടുണ്ട്. മല്ലിയിട്ടു വച്ചതാണല്ലേ?"

ഇത് കേട്ടതും പെണ്ണിന്റെ അമ്മയും, അടുക്കള വാതിലില്‍ ചാരി നിന്ന അമ്മായിയും ഫ്ലാറ്റ്. അടുക്കളയില്‍ ഒത്തു കൂടിയ അമ്മയും, അമ്മായിയും ഒരേ സ്വരത്തില്‍ പെണ്ണിനോട് പറഞ്ഞു,

"ചെറുക്കന് പാചകത്തില്‍ ഒക്കെ ഭയങ്കര ജ്ഞാനം ആണ്"

കണ്ണ് പൂട്ടിയെറിഞ്ഞ കല്ല്‌ മാങ്ങയും കൊണ്ട് താഴേക്കു വീഴുന്നത് കണ്ടു കൊണ്ട് ചെറുക്കന്‍ ഒരു നിമിഷം ഒന്ന് മനസ്സില്‍ പുഞ്ചിരിച്ചു. ഡൈനിങ്ങ്‌ ടേബിളില്‍ കൂടെ ഇരിന്നു ഡിന്നര്‍ കഴിക്കുന്ന അമ്മായിഅപ്പനെ ഒന്ന് നോക്കി. അദ്ധേഹത്തിന്റെ മുഖത്തൊരു പുഞ്ചിരി. 'പ്ലാന്‍ സക്സെസ്സ്'

കൈ കഴുകി എഴുന്നേറ്റ ചെറുക്കന്‍ അമ്മായിയപ്പന്‍ തന്ന ഒരു പൊതിയും വാങ്ങി എല്ലാവരോടും യാത്ര പറഞ്ഞു ബംഗ്ലൂരിലേക്കുള്ള ബസ്‌ കയറി. എന്നിട്ട് അവന്റെ ആദ്യത്തയും അവസാനത്തയുമായ പെണ്ണ് കാണല്‍ ചടങ്ങ് ഭംഗിയായി അവസാനിച്ചതിന്റെ സന്തോഷത്തില്‍ അവന്‍ അവള്‍ക്കൊരു മെസ്സേജ് അയച്ചു.

ശുഭം.

PS: ഇപ്പോള്‍ കിട്ടിയത്. രണ്ടു വീട്ടുകാരും ചേര്‍ന്ന് ഇവരുടെ നിശ്ചയം ഡിസംബറിലും കല്യാണം അടുത്ത കൊല്ലം നടത്താനും തീരുമാനിച്ചു. ഏതായാലും ശ്രീകാന്തിനും ആശക്കും എന്റെ ഹൃദയം നിറഞ്ഞ ആശംസകള്‍.

The day I became the Director General of Police

Someone stole my mobile phone from my hostel room one evening while I was playing football a few years ago in college. It was my new Nokia 6600, which commanded a lot of respect those days. I knew I would never get it back, but nevertheless, I registered a complaint at the local police station. The police officers were very supportive. They told me that it is lost forever, and there's no way to retrieve it. Now that's encouraging. On top of that, they were sure the culprit is one of my room mates, and they can take them into custody and beat the hell of out them till they agree for the theft. This was the Kerala police way of doing things. But I wasn't amused. I told them if it's one of my room mates that took it, then I'll let them keep it and withdraw my complaint. I went back to my hostel cursing the utter uselessness of the so called 'Police Force'.

One of my friends in college, Nirmala knew the then district Superintendent of Police. Being an IPS officer, he once came to our college for inaugurating some function on her request, and talked for an hour about global issues. I didn't listen then, but I later realized that he was a very educated person. She called him and told him about the stolen phone, and the complaint I registered at Pampady police station. He then called the station, and 'recommended' the case. This is the best thing about Kerala Police. They work on cases only if they are recommended by superiors. They don't bother otherwise. So now, all of a sudden, my stolen phone has become the hottest case for the police in Pampady police station. The same day, four police men came to the hostel where I was staying to talk to me and make the First Information Report. Like every case, they needed suspects. And since they are utterly useless in anything, they made my room mates the prime suspects. After that, I never heard from them again. Maybe because I didn't have my phone. :-)

Another friend of mine told me that mobile phones can be tracked using the IMEI number by the service providers, even if the thief uses another SIM card. That's when I had a glimmer of hope that I'll get it back, and decided to call the SP. I thought maybe if I tell him about how phones can be tracked using the IMEI number, he might be able to 'recommend' the local police into doing some work for a change and find my phone. So on a Thursday morning, I wake up around 9.30 am and calls his mobile number. I was a little nervous knowing that I was going to speak to an IPS officer, so I decide to go with English instead of Malayalam. A great decision, I was reckoning. I'll realize that was a mistake later.

'Hello'

'Hello?'

'Is this Mr. Sreejith?'

Angrily, 'Who is speaking?'

'Hi, My name is Anish, studying in RIT, Kottayam. I'm Nirmala's friend. I believe she called you regarding a stolen mobile phone.'

 By this time, his voice seemed angrier. 'Call me later. I'm in the judicial court in Calicut now.'

Phew. That was tense, for no particular reason. Why are police officers angry all the time, and for no particular reason? Part of their training I guess.

So I go to class, late by an hour. Nothing relevant ever happens there, so fast forward to lunch time. Nirmala comes to me and starts shouting.

'What the hell did you tell him?'

I have no idea what she's talking about. 'What did I tell him?'

'You called him Mr. Sreejith???'

Me, naively, 'Ya. Did I mess up his name?'

'Did you ask for MISTER SREEJITH?'

'Yes. Can you cut the crap and tell me what his name is?'

'He is really pissed off you called him as Mister Sreejith. You should've asked for "Sreejith Sir" instead. He was furious over the phone. He wanted to know if you think you are the Director General of Police to address him as Mister Sreejith.'

I didn't know what to say after hearing this. Actually, I didn't know if I had said something wrong. Maybe he didn't expect a civilian to call him Mr. Sreejith. He was so used to being called Sreejith Sir that he couldn't comprehend the simple fact that Mister is how men are addressed in English, with NO DISRESPECT. I lost the little bit of respect I had for him after that. 

I didn't call him again after that, and didn't bother to check with the local police on the status of my mobile recovery. I never saw my phone again. There's still an open case registered at Pampady police station for a stolen mobile. The prime suspects are my college room mates Nadeem, Pavan and Jayadevan, in that order. I don't think they know that.

When customer care calls

A few months ago, I got a call from Vodafone customer care. They told me that they analyzed my phone bills and figured out that there is a new plan introduced for corporate customers which is much better than the one I'm subscribed to now. I hate it when I get calls from customer care numbers, or credit card companies, so I was trying to avoid being dragged into a conversation. But somehow, the guy on the other end started explaining the plan. The sad part was that he was speaking English in some weird Indian accent which I couldn't understand, and he was talking extremely fast. After listening to about 5 minutes, the guy asks, 'So can I activate this plan Sir?'. Now I didn't say no. Because if I did, I know he will start asking me why, and then explain the plan all over again. So I didn't give it much thought and said yes. And he concluded with the usual 'Thank you for your time, Have a nice day'. I had no idea what I just subscribed for, and I never bothered to check.

A couple of weeks later, I got another call from Vodafone telling me that the majority of my bill amount was contributed by STD calls, and he has the exact remedy for that - a new STD pack. And again, before I could say no he started explaining the plan. I was in the middle of some work, and so I didn't bother to listen to what he was saying. And as usual at the end of the call, I ended up saying YES to the 'Shall I activate the pack sir?' question. I didn't know what plans I was subscribed to at that point of time. Again, I got lazy and didn't bother to check my plan details.

In the next couple of months, my phone bill amounts started climbing for no reason. I used to pay around Rs. 400 - 500 every month on an average. Now I'm paying around Rs. 1000. And I don't even call anybody; at least that's what my mom complains all the time. So finally I decided to check my detailed e-bills in my mail. I saw that the rental for my plan has increased to around 399 per month, and some other charges all add up to around 1000 per month. Now I can't blame the customer care guy, because it was my carelessness that led to the whole mess. So what do I do? - Nothing. My laziness has grown to extreme levels by now, and knowing how much I have to wait talking to the IVRS if I call Vodafone customer care, I put it away for some other time.

So here I am paying around Rs. 1000 every month for my phone bill, and on top of that, my mom calls once in a while and shouts at me for not calling her. Then one day, I get this call from my beloved Vodafone customer care employee and I pick up. It was a girl.

'Hello good afternoon. Am I speaking to Mr. Anish?'

'Yes'

'Hi sir, I'm calling on behalf of Vodafone customer care. Our computers have found out that you are paying around Rs. 1000 every month, and most of this amount is because of STD calls......'

At this point, I’m pissed.

'…….We have introduced a new plan that can help you save a lot of money on your monthly bills'

'Hold on. Let me get this straight. You’re telling me that I pay a lot of money to Vodafone every month?'

'Yes sir.'

'And you, who work for Vodafone, call me with a new plan that will help me reduce my phone bills every month?'

'Yes sir.'

'So that's good for me. Now how is it going to help Vodafone?'

'It's like...er...it's like.....we believe in customer satisfaction. That's why....er...'

'Ok. Then reduce my rental amount to 50 per month. That will improve customer satisfaction.'

'Er...Thank you for calling Vodafone customer care. Have a nice day'

'But I didn't call you. You called me'.

CLICK. She hangs up. I felt really good. I call the customer care number, and waits till they transfer me to a representative, and tells him I want to change my monthly plan to the basic one I had a couple of months ago.

I was so happy. I slept like a rock that night.

Bitter Oranje

116 minutes.

I watched my team hang on for 116 minutes, and the score was still 0-0. There were four more minutes to go for a penalty shootout, when the chances come down to 50:50 to win the trophy. And after seeing the 116 minutes already played, I was sure that was the only way we could have won it. Then, in a moment of genius by the Spaniards, all my hopes were shattered when Iniesta blasted a rocket into the bottom far corner of the Dutch goal and finished the contest with four minutes to spare. I know there are millions of Dutch fans around the world who felt the same way when that shot went in.

I was sad. I was sad the whole night. Then, the next day when I woke up and started thinking straight, I realized it was good that my team lost the finals. That is a difficult statement to make from someone who has been supporting the Oranje from the day he started watching international football. But believe me. I’m not drunk when I write this.

About ten years ago, when I started watching international football, I stood apart from everybody else I knew when I said my favourite team in the world was the Netherlands. It was not one of the obvious choices during that time, which were Brazil and Argentina. My childhood football hero was Edgar Davids. He was the master of freestyle when freestyle was not even invented. And to watch him play, I started watching the Dutch team games. That generation had a bunch of extremely talented players who were playing in big clubs in big leagues across Europe. Players like Edgar Davids, Cocu, Overmars, Zenden, Makaay, Bergkamp and Kluivert. These guys were my heroes. That was the best generation I’ve seen who have worn the Oranje jersey and went out on the field. But I was wrong. Looking back into the history books, I discovered greater individuals who have given more to football than anybody else. Players like Marco van Basten who was the best player in the world during his time. And then, the biggest name of them all, Johan Cruyff. The best player the Netherlands has ever produced. And the concept of Total Football which his team of 1974 gave to the world. Actually, the whole team of 1974 holds legendary status in football history for the way they played. Even today, the Dutch are known and respected by the way they play football - The total way.

Which is why I said I’m not sad that they lost the finals. A nation with such a beautiful history in football, who have given world class players like Cruyff and van Basten to the world, and who have defined the way football should be played - the total way, displayed a surprisingly startling strategy when they kicked around opponents and played disruptive football to try win the trophy that has eluded its greatest teams over decades. I cannot apprehend the fact that to win the biggest trophy in football, you can go to such extreme levels, where you consciously lose your integrity, and for a change play rugby in the FIFA world cup final match.

People have been criticizing the referee Howard Webb for officiating the match the way he did by handing out yellow cards to every person he saw wearing an orange shirt. But that is a biased reaction. He made a couple of mistakes in the overall course of the game, but then, he is Howard Webb. He makes stupid decisions all the time in the English Premier League. But that doesn’t hide the fact that the Dutch were playing negative football, with bits and pieces of Karate in it. They knew the only way they can have a chance against a Spanish side that resembled the Dutch team of 1974 was to kick them around, which made their game even more resentful. Accept it. The Spaniards were brilliant, and not just for the one final day. They played marvelously over the entire tournament, and finally scored the prize that has eluded them for so many years.

I’m sure I’ll see the Dutch lift the world cup trophy someday. They actually deserve it, for all the wonderful things they have given to the world of football. And that will be the day people will wash away the bitterness of the Oranje in 2010.

It doesn't work like that

'Ja Simran ja. Raaj ke saath ja. Is se zyada pyar tujhe aur koyi nahin kar sakta'

This is Amrish Puri's dialogue in the ending scene of the most successful movie in Bollywood history 'Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge', when he finally agrees for his daughter to marry a guy he hated all throughout the movie. It's one of the most famous love stories in Indian cinema, and a lot of people find inspiration in it. But there's a problem here. This doesn't work in real life. Life's not a two and a half hour movie, which always ends happily. Don't expect your girlfriend's father to forgive and accept you just like Amrish Puri did to Shah Rukh Khan. That's just a movie. An overhyped movie, with a typical Bollywood ending.

I might sound pessimistic. But listen to me. It doesn't work. If it does, you're a very lucky guy.

Believe in your love. Not in movies.

Avatar, and the delusions

Ever since the movie Avatar got released, I’ve been getting mail chains saying it’s a copy of the Malayalam movie ‘Vietnam Colony’. Yesterday, almost 2 months after the movie got released, I went to watch it. And now, I’m so pissed off at all those people who heard the comparisons, believed it, and forwarded them by mails and mouth.

For those of you who haven’t seen the movie Vietnam Colony, here’s the summary. The hero gets a job with some real estate corporates who want him to go to a colony, make friends with the people there, and make them leave the place. Apparently, the colony stands in a very prospective location to build a shopping complex (or a housing colony. I don’t remember, but it doesn’t matter). The colony is ruled by a group of resident thugs who won’t leave the place, and won’t let the people either. The hero makes friends with the people, falls in love with a girl there, becomes one of them, and finally goes against the company.

Avatar has a similar story line. The Navi’s are a group of people (blue colored human like forms) who live under a huge tree (Tree of life) in the far away planet Pandora. Below this tree lies a huge deposit of a mineral called ‘Unobtainium’ which fetches about 20 million dollars for one kilo in the earth market. That’s more than enough for humans to go there are start mining. The only problem is that the Navi’s won’t move from their tree, because they believe that everything in nature is linked to everything else, and finally to this sacred tree. The hero tries to become a part of their tribe to learn about them, and eventually to tell them about the human invasion plan and negotiate the terms of their migration to another place, which never happens. He is unable to convince the Navi’s about the human military power; the humans attack and destroy the tree, along with killing a number of navi’s including their chief, and the Navi’s fled to another sacred tree called the ‘Tree of Souls’. The hero comes back to the Navi’s and unites many clans of this blue colored people, inspires them to fight the humans and finally defeats them.

Now, the people who saw the movie and came out saying it is Vietnam Colony in English with a lot more graphics and animation is (as I would assume) prejudiced. Avatar has a lot more in it than Vietnam Colony. The movie is not just about a snitch turning hostile. It’s about cutting the big tree. It’s about how human beings have gone to the extent of destroying Mother Nature for his own selfish reasons. The Navi’s are a group of people who believe that everything in their world is inter-connected. The trees, plants, animals, birds, insects and all other living organisms are part of a whole system, which is a balanced ecosystem. The humans came into this system and disrupted the Navi’s way of life. Their greed destroyed the whole balance of the system. This whole concept is similar to the one happening on earth today.

The human greed has grown so vast that the resources available on this once green planet will not be enough to sustain their life in the coming years. We used to read about the ill effects of felling trees years ago. Nobody anticipated the consequences, and continued cutting them down. Now, years later, the amount of carbon dioxide in the air has gone so high it’s causing the ice in the arctic to melt; and gifted us with the new problem -Global warming.

An ending where good prevails over evil is one which everyone looks forward to, and is more commercially viable. Avatar is one such movie. Even though the message is right there in front of everybody’s eyes to see, we act blind. Avatar is a movie with a simple message sewn into a simple story illustrated on a movie screen. But the directors imagination is magnanimous, and that make this simple movie very special.

So here‘s my question, what’s the message in Vietnam Colony?

The Rise of India

Lately, I have grown an affinity towards reading books about world history, the rise of India, current affairs, and stuff like that. I've been reading articles on various websites about how the recession shook the whole world, brought out frailties in the biggest economies in the world, and how a gradual shift in power has begun which will see India and China to emerge as super powers.

I read a book by Edward Luce 'In Spite of the Gods', in which he talks about the different problems faced by the Indian system. Problems like corruption(now that's not new), bad politics, religious biases, caste biases inside religions and stuff like that. He talks about how Jawaharlal Nehru, Mahatma Gandhi, B. R. Ambedkar and other visionaries saw the future of our country in their own ways and helped in setting the foundations of this great nation. He also talks about how todays India has been shaped all the way from the Indus valley and Harappa civilizations.

He talks about how religion is the key for politicians today. Lower caste leaders are emerging today in India, and how the prejudice towards them from the upper caste still persists. He sees how religion is trying to market itself in new packages like 'The Art of Living', christian missionaries, Sai Baba's and similar organizations. He agrees that our nation with an outdated civil service network that hasn't changed from during the days of the British rule has to change for this country to go forward.

But the most important thing that struck me and made me think in his book was a fact he mentioned regarding our system. He is awestruck at how a corrupt, old aged, bureaucratic, unrevolutionised system like ours actually work. Now, there's something that really doesn't have an explanation. Well. I think it doesn't need any. I call this the system of chaos. Everything in this country is based on that theory. You get out of your house one fine day and walk to the busy crowded market along the footpath(if there's one; I'd bet you'd be walking on the road even if there's one). There are bikes, cars, lorries and buses flying along the small 2-lane road in both directions, at speeds that are not even allowed on some major highways in the so called civilized world. No one cares. The roads are not just for the vehicles. People stop their cars in the middle of the road to go buy a cigarette causing traffic jams everywhere. The traffic police officer is asking for money from a biker for not wearing a helmet, even though he was speeding on the footpath. Government offices have people standing in queues outside who want to get their work done; with the officials inside listening only to recommendations from superiors or bribery from inferiors. More than half the population of this country(I'm bad at stats, but I think it's a lot more than half) is illiterate, poor, hungry and homeless, and still India is on the verge of becoming a global power. There are communal clashes, caste discrimination, woman and child discrimination everywhere in this country, people dying without proper health care, epidemics, AIDS, and much more. But, the system is working. Things are getting done. People are living their lives. Roads are geting built, cities are being formed, the standard of living is improving. No one has a clue how it works. But it does. Everyone, including Edward Luce says that these are challenges India should face and overcome to become a global power in the coming years. I don't agree. I think our system works. Our country cannot change. It cannot follow a book written system. It won't work. It would be a waste of time and energy trying to even implement that kind of a strategy. I think our huge population won't allow that. And for once, I'm proud of it. I think no other country can ever imitate our system of chaos and produce positive results. I bet they will be terrirfied even by the thought of it.

I read somewhere how different nations announced themselves as the new world powers in history. The English dominated the seas with their Royal navy, then the steam engine kickstarted a revolution. The Americans gave capitalism to this world. They became a nation where anyone can fulfil their dreams, irrespective of their natioanlity or color. They didn't get involved in the world wars unnecessarily, and they held the high cards when they eventually did. The bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki announced their arrival as the super power of the 20th century. Now it's Indias turn. The Indian economy is standing tall even when the world crippled under the recession of 2009. Indians are popping up on every field in the world as leaders and winners. The nation is growing exponentially, and the world has put a lot of expectations on her already.

But how will she announce her arrival. This is what I think. (Everything from this point of this article is completely my imagination. I have no proof to substantiate it, nor do I want to). The fight for Kashmir will lead to many Islamic terrorist activities in India, leading to the deaths of many innocent Indians. Pakistan will still try to harbour the terrorists, Al Qaeda will find a new enemy in India. This will start world war 3 between India and Pakistan, with Pakistan using nuclear missiles against India obliterating a whole city(I reckon it to be Delhi, or one somewhere in North India). India will retaliate with full force, and blow Pakistan out of the world map. By the time the world nations come for a compromise, there won't be anymore of Pakistan left. America would have sided with India for a change, since they want to be on the winning side(they have already started siding with us in international matters), making China to side with Pakistan since it's an Asian subcontinent issue, and intensify the problem to go out of hand across two continents, leading to a large scale nuclear attack, and destruction of the human race as well as any other life form out there. The civilized form of humanity dies forever in this holocaust. Thus bringing to an end(and a very ironic one) this civilized form of humanity, by destroying itself at the same place it started 4000 years ago, the Indus valley, that stretched from the north-west part of India to Pakistan and beyond to Afghanistan. I hope I'm mad.

A Predicament

Four years in college earned me only a handful of friends. That's because when I say friends, I mean people who you can trust with anything, anytime. For a person like me, trust was a very important virtue in people, which attracted me magnetically towards certain people. And they have remained forever.

There was one such friend of mine in college whom I met in the first year. In the first month of joining the college, he fell in love with his classmate. I respected their relationship. I used to look up to them, and believed in what they shared. She became a very good friend of mine, and I used to tell her how I'll help her elope with my friend after college when the time comes. They were my role models when I fell in love with my classmate in the last year of college. And they supported us too.

Four years of college together later, we went our separate ways. I joined Infosys, my friend was unemployed and was at his house in Kerala, and his girlfriend was in a software company in Trivandrum. This is where she met a guy who tried to hit on her all the time. She hated him, and tried to avoid him all the time. A few months later, my friend calls me up one night and tells me that his relationship with her was over. It came as a shock to me, and everybody else in our group who knew them. And guess what the reason was? She fell in love with the guy who used to hit on her. The guy whom she hated all this while.

I went to meet my friend who was in shambles by this time. He took a long time to recover from it, and get back to his original self. Months passed by and he's back to normal now. At least I think so. I heard she got married to some other guy(a third one, as far as I'm aware of) recently and quit her job. My friend trusted her with his life. And she trampled over his dreams in one quick moment, with no feeling of guilt, or remorse. I would think from my friends side how he watched the love of his life go away with someone whom even she hated and complained about to him. I have never met this person but I hated him for what he did. I know he was selfish for his own reasons. The world would say that anyone in his position would have done the same thing. But I don't believe in that bullshit. I think what he did was wrong, and what the girl did was much worse than that.

Which brings me to my predicament. After a couple of years in Infosys, a very good friend of mine(not anymore) saw a girl whom he liked instantly. He found out that she had a boyfriend who was working in another company. He was selfish like every other person would be. Humans. And the same story continued. This time, the point of view was different. He started hitting on her. She hated him the most in our group. Months passed by. One day she realises she is in love with him. She tells her boyfriend who has sacrificed a lot for their relationship to get lost(I've realised from many of my friends relationships that girls love doing this. Each one story can be a new blog).

I saw how it hurt my friend from college. I know how much I hated that guy who robbed his girl away from him. And now, I'm in a completely different position to judge. A predicament, so ironic.

PS: After what happened to my college friend, I don't believe girls anymore. My female friends have always come up with counter arguments against my stance saying that not all girls are alike and stuff like that. If you feel the same, you can always tell me. I would simply reply with a polite 'F*** Off' to that.For quite a few have said this: Frailty, thy name is woman.